Misunderstandings .please take 5-10 minutes of your precious time in reading t

水印 · 发表于 21-7-2004 10:10:39|来自：

I know that this story is very long.. but i implore to you, please take 
5-10 minutes of your precious time in reading this. Misunderstandings 
really do affect all of us. Please read on. 
************************************************************************************ 
Part 1... 
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world 
is gone forever. 
This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, 
translated by SaFe). 
Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps 
to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and 
peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as 
destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too 
late. 
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking 
Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with 
us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother 
endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see 
him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great 
deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where 
he is today. 
I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a 
balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some 
greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up 
and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he 
said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to 
rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any 
moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and 
both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head 
continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this 
kind of panic-joy feeling. 
Mother brought along her country-side habits and lifestyle with her. For 
example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she 
could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people 
spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the 
flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will 
also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: 
"Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it." 
Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came 
home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she 
would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home 
with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they 
cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. 
Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell 
her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction 
to our otherwise happy lifestyle. 
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In 
your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the 
breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds 
before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her 
chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a 
dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of 
dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few 
minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the 
protest mother makes. 
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her 
help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds 
of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that 
resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would 
scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as 
not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at 
night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her 
bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a 
difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire 
night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally 
ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at 
me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? we couldn't possibly die 
eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" 
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me 
and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. 
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to 
please. 
In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on 
the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At 
the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his 
breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to 
perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I 
resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. 
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it 
because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not 
to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears 
as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: 
"LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice 
but to return to the breakfast table. 
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a 
sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my 
throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw 
down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just 
as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly 
in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me 
with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of 
it, I really didn't mean it. 
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then 
stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final 
stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. 
For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so 
furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up 
with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the 
feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with 
all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. 
Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a 
doctor." 
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I 
threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that 
otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through 
this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? 
At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been 
three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one 
look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. 
He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't 
know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my 
heart. 
I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I 
have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am 
having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of 
joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started 
rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one 
fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the 
disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. 
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the 
lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing 
the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit 
book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me 
for good. What a rational man, so clear cut in love and money matters. I 
gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. 
The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a 
good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a 
weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in 
the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the 
time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at 
me, his face was expressionless. 
I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the 
tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the furneral, 
hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare 
at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other 
people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward 
the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the 
country-side. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she 
tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... 
I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up 
that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... 
In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother. 
Part 2 and end... 
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong 
liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and 
could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are 
going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his 
eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I 
had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding 
though none of these events happening had been my fault at all. 
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby 
came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were 
living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the 
dead knot in his heart. 
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I 
saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed 
her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that 
moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and 
stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, 
and there is no need to say anything. 
The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby 
stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging 
me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the 
brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I 
will collapse together with the baby inside me. 
That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to 
indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each other. 
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home 
from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned 
to take some of his stuff. 
I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to 
him vanished. 
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again 
and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the 
physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider 
aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this 
baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. 
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole 
house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this 
piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. 
In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find 
peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a 
while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like 
mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you 
cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out 
from there. 
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I 
smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. 
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the 
paper to him. 
"LD, you are pregnant?" 
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not 
control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, 
but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing 
each other. 
Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, 
everything seem so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never 
reach them. 
I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had 
originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the 
western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, 
I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep deep scares in each 
other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional. 
I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, 
what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the 
thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I 
am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I 
don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the 
moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from 
my heart. 
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I 
will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's 
room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept 
quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he 
would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with 
him, he would then grab me and laugh. He have forgotten that last time, I 
cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is 
there between us? 
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. 
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, 
children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it 
stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to 
reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice 
but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his 
computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of 
that matters to me anymore. 
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late 
night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into 
the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for 
this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding 
my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the 
journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and 
hurried into the delivery suite. 
Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: 
In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? 
He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes 
caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain. 
Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at me and our son, his eyes 
tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. 
Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I 
cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes 
of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the 
truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that 
moment. 
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was 
already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this 
long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor 
said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." 
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room 
and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. 
Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I 
had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote 
for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a 
look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your 
life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can 
accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now 
no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible 
difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you 
meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after 
writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you 
t hrough your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your 
mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the 
one who loves me most..." 
From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and 
even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was 
written there. 
Hubby has also written a letter for me: 
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I 
have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want 
to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My 
dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, 
thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to 
our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every 
year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..." 
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over 
and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son 
to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." 
He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in 
his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button 
on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears 
slowly rolled down my face... 
The end...

水印 · 发表于 22-7-2004 09:03:40|来自：

i cried after read this story every time.

vivijess · 发表于 22-7-2004 13:38:10|来自：

seems tt u always put up long stories herebut they r realli gd, full of info for us ~`like them

jeffsk · 发表于 26-7-2004 12:02:27|来自：

u are good at translation, i read the story in mandrin. I respect u, that u can do it almost as the origin article....

Aden · 发表于 27-7-2004 16:11:07|来自：

i am moved.............

红色企鹅 · 发表于 16-8-2004 11:32:26|来自：

Ａ　ｂｉｔ　ｂｕｓｙ　ｎｏｗ，　ｌａｔｅｒ　ｉ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｒｅａｄ　ｉｔ　ｌａｔｅｒ．．

猫猫抱抱我 · 发表于 16-8-2004 16:46:19|来自：

so long and so many people chatting with me now ..sorry, i cant finish the reading...

潘多拉外传 · 发表于 16-8-2004 18:34:23|来自：

read before...but still remember the pain and sadness lingering in my heart after i finished reading......indeed,, eventhough sometimes we are too busy to understand ppl we still have to put in effort to understand eachother......if not.. regret wont help, tear wont help, broken-heart wont help......

west_top · 发表于 31-8-2004 10:30:09|来自：

read chinese version before, a really sad story. It's another impact when reading it again. excellent translation.

深邃与甜蜜 · 发表于 31-8-2004 12:59:06|来自：

Sigh...life tragedy....I am not talking about his illness, thats not changeable by the time; But very previously, they should have communicated with each other, to make self understood, instead of suspecting whats happening...

Misunderstandings .please take 5-10 minutes of your precious time in reading t

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